This is not an extremely detailed post. Should I apologize? Nah, Sunday morning is everyday for all I care.
So, moving on. If you got that little reference up there, you’ll know what I’m gonna talk about in the first part of this post. I’ve heard a lot about Nirvana, and the like, so I decided to give the band a go. All in all, I’ve been looking at a lot of vlogs and Nirvana music this weekend, and I’m in love! AND I’M ALSO VERY INTO THE KURT COBAIN MURDER CONSPIRACY THEORY.
School exams are over, and well. I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed to make up the exams I missed, but I really don’t care anymore. I really cannot be bothered to study for them. With that, I’m sure it is obvious that the second half of the school year has begun. I was very excited for this year, because Human Physiology in biology, and I love all things about the human body. When it comes to biology, that is. Not that I don’t love the human body – god, the fuck am I rambling about? I’m not in a good frame of mind today, my apologies. I woke up feeling nauseous, and I’m just not in the mood today. Lots of weakness and body ache today, too. I’m also kinda excited for English, because English I like, and also because I’ve already finished one of the literature textbooks, and I like the second half better than the first. There’s a poem in the second half that I really, really liked. It’s called The Voice of the Rain, and it’s by Walt Whitman.
What else? I kinda like Organic Chemistry, but I’m sorta scared, too. I don’t know. I’m so not ready for this. In December, I’ll be giving my SATs, and I hope that the exam goes good. I don’t know, I feel like I’m under performing, and I really, really want to do well, because if I don’t, I won’t get into a college of my choice. God knows, I might not get to do what I want to. It’s sad that I’ve fallen into the whole idea that unless I get good grades, go to a good college, I won’t be able to be happy in life. Because that’s not true, is it? Education isn’t everything. But I’m really sad that it has happened to me, and it will probably never go away, because that is just the way I am.
Okay, so I had really hoped that I could make this a quick post. I guess not. Anyway, I’ve decided that not being able to read is detrimental to my health. No, really. I have unread books on my bookshelf, and that is a sin. Or well, pretty close to one. So, to rectify that, I have decided to start reading. Now, I know I will not have a lot of time to pursue reading in between the school year, so I have decided to give myself a week for a book. In order to ensure that I don’t slack off, I am going to write something like a review on here. It’s a personal goal, and I hop that I can keep up with it. Alas, that also means I won’t be able to watch a lot of TV shows like I had initially planned, but that’s okay.
I think I will beg my parents to let me go see my best friend, who goes to boarding school in Kerala (state in India). I am hoping they will allow me, but I am not too sure. I think I will ask for a ticket to go see her as my birthday gift, but I don’t know. I hope they allow me, because I want to go see her in the break we get after final exams, that is for a month before the new session begins. Fingers crossed!
I have been pretty depressed this past week, but I don’t think I will write about it now. One reason is that it is already twelve, and I told my mum I’d be in bed by eleven thirty.
I also got my marks (for the exams I did appear), and they are not very good. I didn’t fail in physics or math, but then again. I already knew I was gonna get okay marks. My marks in English were highest in the class (that is the entire eleventh grade science stream, woohoo), but I still wasn’t satisfied with them. I knew I could do better, but you know? I got lesser than what I expected in Physics, so that’s sad. I got what I expected in Math, so that is okay.
I still feel that I’ll never get where I want to go if these are the marks I get now. The feelings I got on seeing my board exam marks are returning full fledgedly now, and it is doing nothing for my low self esteem. I felt like they mixed my results with someone else’s. Apart from this, I’m missing AN (my sweet best friend in Kerala), also RS, another best friend that moved away (she went away to the Northeast), and things are not too good right now.
I wrote her an email she won’t see for another month. That’s how said I am. No internet or computer or mobile allowed in school. Phone calls are allowed, so that’s there. I’m really sad, and yeah.
I think the first book I’m gonna go with is Catcher In The Rye by JD Salinger. I’ve read it before, but I’ve been thinking about rereading it, so that’s the book I’m gonna go with. I really like the book, too.
This is it for tonight.
Buenos noches, amigos y amigas.
P.S.: I have so many challenges waiting, oh gosh!