Suddenly.

Personally, I haven’t paid much thought to what happens after we die. While it is sad to think we will fade away into nothingness – what a waste of the person you were. All your hopes, your dreams, achievements… nothing will ensure the continuity of what you embodied as one of the living.

My god, that does suck, doesn’t it?

Now, the pleasanter alternative: be religious and believe in a higher power, commonly called God (or millions of Gods, if you’re Hindu). You’ll get a one way ticket to either a luxurious stay in Heaven if you’ve been nice, or a less than ideal one in Hell if you’ve been naughty. The joy. Some divine all knowing power, passing judgement on your deeds.

Anyway, I didn’t mean to get into religion. 

The thing is, despite knowing that the circle of life does not make exceptions for anybody, despite knowing Valar Morghulis (somebody please stop me when my GoT references become annoying), it’s still such a shock when somebody passes away. Even more so, when it’s somebody you know.

Life in itself is so sudden and shocking, it presents you with surprises and jolts along the way. The only difference is in how you perceive it, and well, the frequency in which said shocks are being administered to you.

Last Friday, while I was going to Chemistry class, I witnessed an accident. A girl took a sharp right turn while she was driving at quite a high speed, and her scooter skidded. She fell, and her head directly hit the road, and then her vehicle fell on top of her. She wasn’t wearing a helmet. 

People were already crowding, trying to help. They picked up her scooter, and tried to help her up, but she was trembling violently, and seemed to be in between consciousness. Mom dropped me off, and then went home. Mom later told me that she probably sustained a really bad head injury, because she was foaming at the mouth, and was unconscious.

An ambulance was called shortly afterwards, so I suppose that was okay. 

But imagine being on the way to your home, or maybe class, and then being injured so badly you don’t even know what’s happening or where you are (or for that matter, not knowing anything because you’re unconscious).

Everything is so sudden.

My grandfather was well and good, when one day he fell in the bathroom and sustained a major head injury. Subdural hemorrhage, I think it was. I don’t know. Nobody told me the details, but I gathered as much. Soon after, he passed away. He was unconscious in the hospital for maybe ten days before it happened. 

It still strikes me, the suddenness of it all. Just the next month, he was going to visit us, him and my grandmother. He was quite healthy for a man of his age. I’m just sad I never got to tell him how amazing he was and how much I appreciated him teaching me chess – and that I wished I’d paid more attention, because my chess skills are still pretty basic. 

This wasn’t supposed to be a sad post, but I’m sad now, goddammit. 

I loved him, and he was great. I hope he knew that, even though it probably doesn’t matter now. Why, what does the affection of your grandchild mean when you’re ashes in the ground? 

I think the point of the post was to motivate myself to live a complete life. So that even if I get five minutes of consciousness before I die, I don’t want to spend them regretting not doing something. Cats may have nine lives, and Hinduism might boast of seven lives, and other faiths may talk of reincarnation too, but from where I stand, it is all quite skeptical. I don’t want to leave it to chance. (For one, how do I know I’m not going to hell?)

I’m going to end this post by advising all of you to drive safely and wear helmets while driving. 🙂

Love,

Sky xoxo.

 

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6 thoughts on “Suddenly.

  1. One of my students died last week. It still seems unreal. I have course work from him, I remember our last conversation and the talks before. He was trying hard to progress. He was also creative, really good at making and finding art.

    All of which is to say that I think you are right. We have someone, and then we don’t. It’s always a hard surprise to endure. We try to get used to the loss. In some way, we always fail. I’m sorry your grandfather is gone. I’m happy to know you appreciated his teaching you chess. It’s likely that gratitude moved across the playing table to him.

    We go to God, or our energy is reinvested into the universe. Maybe both occur.

    Thank you for reading from my blog. I think skepticism is by and large healthy.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. 🙂
      I do agree, I mean, it’s one thing to know it will happen in the distant future, and completely another thing to have it sprung upon you out of the blue.
      It happened a while ago, so I am sort of okay with it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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