Results and Things.

So, the board my school is affiliated to (CBSE), released the results of 12th standard’s boards on Sunday, i.e., the 28th of May. I spent my time being a wreck from Tuesday to Sunday. Why? Because the results were apparently going to come out on the 24th (Wednesday), and everyday, it said the results would come the next day.

There was another problem afoot, apart from the delayed dates. CBSE apparently suddenly decided to scrap their system of moderation of marks, and this created an uproar in the country. Naturally. Some parent took the case to Delhi’s High Court, and the HC ruling directed CBSE to continue with the system for this year’s marks, and to put this new policy in effect from next session. This led to reports which speculated that CBSE is going to appeal against HC’s ruling in the Supreme Court, but thankfully, this was not the case.

Now, I went to bed on Saturday pretty early, because I was pretty tired. I have no idea how that happened, but the only explanation that comes to mind is that stressing out over yet to be announced results is a lot of work. Then, I kept waking up at frequent intervals of twenty to thirty minutes right from early morning till the time the results actually got put up online. I refreshed the results page exactly twice, then promptly went back to sleep when I saw nothing.

I finally got up at ten something, and I saw the results were on. Then, I tried accessing my result after putting in all my details, but the thing was not happening. My cousin was opening it on his laptop, and the moment I saw it did happen, I snatched the laptop screaming, “I WILL SEE IT FIRST!”

Well, then I saw what I scored in Physics, Chemistry, and Biology, and started screaming.

My marks are pretty nice, actually:

English: 87
Math: 73
Physics: 95
Chemistry: 94
Biology: 95

This was more than I thought I’d get!

Yes, even for math! I left the two biggest chapters for the math paper, and I was pretty sure I’d get just above the passing scores. Taking that into account, this was pretty good. The thing I am most sad about is English, though.

Well, now, I’ve been filling up college forms, and hoping I get accepted somewhere decent. There is this one college I really want to get in, and the results for that should be up by next week. I’m kinda stressed about that.

There’s nothing all that new going on in my life, apart from the results. People now think I am very smart (95 in physics??????), and I don’t bother with correcting them. Good for me. Let people think I am smart. Haha!

I do have things to do, but I am way too lazy to. I teamed up with this American girl to write a HP fanfic, but I was so lost amongst all the stress that I didn’t write my part of the thing, and I’ve since been trying to avoid her online. I do need to do that, and I want to, as well; but inspiration is a fickle thing.

I wanted to join the British Library we have in my city, but the college I really want to go to (the one I talked about above), is in another city. And my parents aren’t the go-to-the-library-and-fangirl-about-books-and-issue-them-and-actually-read-them kind, so the membership would kind of be a waste. Again, because all the colleges I’ve applied to are in other cities, excluding just one.

I think I NEED to start writing more now, what with having the time to, so I think I will do more of that. I have seen and read more new things, so maybe I could do reviews for those. Who knows.

I ALSO FINALLY BOUGHT ANNA KARENINA AND I’M SO EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

So, that’s it. I also beat my grandmother in a game of chess today, based on a technicality. I felt smart, but I think she said she lost to make me happy. Well.

That’s it for today, though I do hope to write more soon!

Love,
Sky. xoxo

Reincarnation. Kind of. Includes College Talk.

Hello!

I’ve been away from the Blogosphere for what feels like an eternity (gosh), but I’ve had good reasons for the very same.

I had my twelfth standard board exams, I had entrance exams(still do, actually), I had college interviews, I had doctor visits, I had to binge watch TV shows, and I had to sleep like a sedated person. I was also in the middle of shifting houses, so that took up a lot of time. Believe it or not, it has been over a week, and we’re still not quite settled in.

As for education stuff, speculation suggests that the results will be out by the end of May, which is… pretty sad. I was happy when exams ended, vowing to not think about the results for even a minute. But suddenly, it’s the 6th of May? News articles suggest the board will have 12th grade results by the 24th. OF MAY. Why? As soon as they get released, college admissions will begin full fledgedly.

College is an entirely different headache.

I had an exam in another city, it consisted of writing essays (that was the entrance exam), followed by a personal interview. They weren’t quite happy with the fact that I went from being a high scorer in tenth to an average student in eleventh. I explained my health issues and stuff, but I think they weren’t okay with that or something, because my written thing went quite well. Anyway, the very evening of the exam, I got a message saying that I wasn’t selected. And it was fine, really – but it still saddened me quite a bit.

Anyway, I had another exam the very next day of returning to my city. It also involved an essay question, followed by a MCQ patterned test for my program. I finished my essay and the questions (about 60 in total) well before the allotted time. But hey, if it says I am supposed to ‘write an essay in about 300 words’, I am not going to write two full pages. I will adhere to the word limit. Also, the questions were rather easy. We had two and a half hours for the test, and I was finished about an hour before the time limit ended.

Now, the funny thing was, that the guy who was invigilator for the essay thing, was also the one who would be our interviewer. There were two kids appearing for a BA program, and so they didn’t have the written exam, just the essay. By the time they got done with their interviews, I was done with my exam. The guy came in, was surprised upon finding out that I was finished with my test (more surprised than he was when he found I finished my essay early), and told me to come for the interview, adding that this meant that I’d get free way earlier than he’d told my father who’d dropped me at the venue in the morning. Obviously, I told him it was no big deal.

Anyway, the guy was one of those very friendly, young and jovial professors, always smiling and laughing and being nice, and I found it was easy to smile and answer his questions. Funnily enough, I was not at all nervous for the interview, however I did become a bit too brutally honest at times, which I later cringed at. Anyway, he asked me a few questions, the generic why this university, why this course, where do you see yourself ten years from now, you know, run of the mill stuff.

I must say, I cheated a bit and peeped at the form he was writing on, and I saw that he had recommended me for admission. What’s more, he told me he loved my attitude and confidence, and he was very sure that I’d be very successful and go far in life (at which I was a laughingly blushing mess), and I thanked him profusely for his words, of course. But it didn’t end there. He told me to go to the office to submit the documents they had asked me to bring with me, and when they were copying my form number, they were impressed at the fact that I remembered the number. Both of them, the lady sitting in her office, and this nice professor, looked up at me in surprise. I was like “Yeah,” when they asked if I really did remember the number. Anyway, the woman asked me a few questions too, and she seemed impressed too.

But I loved the guy, really. He was so cool. I swear, if this university has professors like this teaching the subjects in my program, I’d go there in a heartbeat. Anyway, the test was shit easy too, so I suppose that helped.

But these are just two things. As a frequent visitor of my blog might know, I studied science (physics, chemistry, biology) and math in 11th and 12th, so I can do both engineering and medicine. I didn’t give the engineering entrance as it clashed with my biology board exam, and I haven’t really studied for the medical entrance, which is on Sunday. The fact that I had PCMB was also impressive to these people (and by that point I was like what kind of kids do they deal with on a daily basis to find me good).

Anyway, my biggest issue with both these colleges were that they never once looked at my thick file of certificates that I had unknowingly gathered over the years to make me look good in college interviews. Like, really. I even asked them if they would just flip through.

Anyway, I got into the second college, but apparently it’s an average college. And since I plan to study abroad for my Masters (hopefully, that is), I want to at least go to a decent enough college so as to not have too many problems on that front.

Not much is new, apart from this. I was watching some GoT related stuff on YouTube, and before I knew, I was watching fan made Loras+Renly videos, and I was struck with how much I really adored those two. Sad, sad life.

I was also reminded of how fucking gorgeous Ben Barnes fucking is. Honestly.

I also am in need of a new phone, and new earphones. I apparently broke them uthlessly. But I promise it was an accident.

Love,
Sky xoxo.

P.S.: I am studying Spanish seriously (on Duolingo).
I also emailed this person, offering to volunteer for this Non Profit Organisation. The best thing? I just need to write for them. Which I can do from home. Score? I’m yet to hear back from them, but I am excited.
I was also on the verge of joining cooking classes, but I decided to stick with Spanish. I am also looking forward to college.
I’m going a little crazy.
I hate when you’re older and you understand things better. I wish I was an idiot (literally, I mean the IQ classification thing) and didn’t get everything I heard. Fun fact, my IQ is above 140, and that is supposed to be genius or near genius. Also, I don’t know if I mentioned this, but in our farewell party, the juniors gave me the tag of the intelligent one, and I was (read: still am) not able to comprehend just why they did that. Anyway, VV scolded me for being self-deprecating in the middle of the party and was like you know that grades don’t explain one’s intelligence and that I’m one of the smartest people she knows and that I should shut up.

So, I did.

Also, what a long post script. Oops.

 

 

Siblings & The Meaning Of Family

A little perspective.

A Teen Life Style

We either have siblings or we don’t, frankly I use to think the latter was luckier than I. To not have siblings would have been a dream come true. Quiet nights full of reading and writing, no late evening yelling matches, or having someone find out a secret from another’s mouth. On days like these, after getting done with a yelling match I long for a time where I could be the only child. I’d like to believe everyone with siblings have felt the same way before. Though as much as I hate them, I don’t know where I would be with out them.

Growing up, My sisters and I would always say, “I hate you.” Now a days it is a term of endearment but back then we meant it. My mother would then throw a fit and say the same lines of, “You can’t hate each other, you’re…

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Change.

There’s something about the way she looks at me that has me going weak at the knees and heartbroken at the same time.

She’s so beautiful, it hurts. 

What hurts more is how painfully oblivious she is to the very fact. And how nothing I ever do can convince her otherwise.

Actually, that’s not true. I think what hurts the most is how she wants, no, needs me, but I don’t know how to help her. She’s withering away before my very eyes; receding, disappearing within herself, and it wrenches my heart to watch her so hopelessly lost. 

I can see it in her eyes.

She’s lost all hope, even the optimism she was known to hold on to every time things went awry. All of it, gone. I don’t know what to do. It’s been a while since she’s been this way, but lately she’s been declining at a rapid pace. 

I fear I will lose her.

We made love the other day. At least, I think we did. She had a faraway look on her face. It seemed different. She acted different, felt different. We were different. Something didn’t quite feel right. 

But of course it didn’t feel right, you blithering fool.

You lost her the day she was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. Terminal. No hope for a cure. How could you believe her when she said nothing would change? 

She was going to die. Of course everything was going to change.

And as the doctor walked towards me with what had to be the most melancholic of expressions I’d ever seen on any doctor, I feared it already had.

-×-

Started a little after 4:50 am, I should think. Been having trouble sleeping. Nausea and pain is… not exactly my thing, even after almost two years of living with it now. 

I’ve got a question for those who may dare to venture an answer:

What is worse; embodying the person people expect you to be, or failing everyone’s expectations for you? 

Love, Sky.

Inevitably.

She was lost in thought, that much he could tell. He could almost feel the cogs in her brain turning and moving back and forth, at an almost manic sort of pace. 

She looked as if she was faraway. 

She might as well have been, because he didn’t know what it was she was thinking about. Before, he might’ve thought that she was wondering about what to do about her assignment’s deadline at the job, or how to care for their dog now that they were moving to a place that didn’t allow pets, or maybe even what to make for dinner that night.

But the truth was that he knew better than that. 

Or maybe that just went on to say just how less he actually knew her, but truth be told, she wasn’t an easy person to know. Actually, she was the most difficult and complicated person he had ever stumbled across in his relatively short and inconsequential life. 

He loved her, and she knew that. On some level, she probably reciprocated his feelings. But she was such a difficult book to read, and every time he tried to, he felt like he was trying to decode an otherworldly language of which he knew nothing about.

She finally took notice of him, just him; standing with his back to the wall, eyebrows scrunched together, a gentle worriness in his eyes. His mouth was slightly turned downwards, as if he was thinking of things to say but had nothing to start with. 

Worrying never looked good on him, she knew that since the day she met him. The way his face lit up when he was happy, or something close to it, was something she could see every waking moment of every day for the rest of her days and not get tired of.

He was the best thing that had happened to her, and she knew she didn’t deserve him. He didn’t deserve what she had to offer; no, he was so pure, so innocent, so good.

She was nothing but the inevitable darkness that would one day swallow him up and spit him out, to be forever changed and irreparable. 

How could she put him through that?

-×-

I wanted this to have a more definite train of thought than the amorphous shit I typed, but I just needed to write. God, it’s been so fucking long since I wrote something. 

-Sky.

Injustice.

People. 

You would like to believe that they are black and white, but they are not; not really. 

You find some pinks, some yellows, some blues, some greens – people are never just black and or white. They are a myriad of the dazzling colors of the rainbow – vibgyor, roygbiv. Or perhaps a toned down grey, amongst the more dreary end of the spectrum–but never just black and white.

They are puzzles, riddles; waiting to be solved. Waiting to be unmystified. Waiting to be understood. Waiting to be dexterously thumbed through by your gentle hands, trembling as they handle the pages of your intricacies with surprising delicacy. 

Or not. They are also perfectly content with being the fifty thousand pieces three dimensional puzzle of the continent of Westeros which always sits on the shelf, never to be bought.

People are complex. And they are beautiful. And maybe this is romanticising the human species, glorifying them beyond what they truly deserve. 

But I cannot help it, because if I fail, if I don’t do this, I could never even get close to doing justice to the amazingly beautiful human being that you are. 

And that, is an injustice in itself. 

-x-

Since I hadn’t posted in a while, and as WordPress kept telling me I had unpublished drafts, I decided to edit and publish this one. I don’t remember when or why I wrote this. I do like this for some reason, so I’m making do with it. 

Love,

Sky xoxo.