futility brings to our minds

a realm of incomprehensibility,

a world beyond our own,

teeming with impossibly innumerable

opportunities; for the soul, 

for the mind;

the divine power which governs 

you or i,

fails to hold when we touch,

my nerves ignite, and my only truth 

becomes you;

the sweet taste of your mouth 

on my tongue, the silk of your 

skin under my touch, the beauty

inherent in your eyes, as you 

silently ask me questions you 

would never dare to otherwise.

truth, is therefore relative

to frames of references, like a 

moving car on a moving planet,

or a stationary one on top of it.

my only truth, therefore, 

lies in when we lay, 

side by side.


17:56 pm//9.8.17.

Question: why do I write things like this? 


All Nighters and Feeling Dead.

Yes, my exams are on. 

In fact, I have a Botany paper in 8 hours and 22 minutes from exactly now. 

There are four units, and I’ve completed two thus far. For people not in India, the time currently is 4:39 am. I will complete the one I’m on currently, hopefully by 5:30. Then wake up by 7:30 to 8 and do the remaining one, which, might I add, is the longest unit out of all of them and I’ve never studied it before. 

Wow, I’m so not excited to get fucked in the morning by the unspectacular range of plant diversity in lower organisms! But seriously, I need help. I was up till 5:30 the previous day as well, because I had my Chemistry paper.

I’m tired as fuck! 

Thankfully, my last paper, Biostatistics, is on Monday, so after I come back, I can nap to my heart’s content. Oh, what a joy it is, to sleep. 

Gonna sign off now. Morphology, whilst not that difficult, still needs to be revised for me to be able to write something in the paper, 8 hours, 16 minutes from now. 


A very disgruntled college(!) kid,



Edit: this is republished because it got deleted. 

This feels weirdly exhilarating, for the primary reason that something that has brought me this much joy has not been left (completely) in the middle of nowhere as opposed to various such activities. (Read: the 4 different blogs I made and tried to write on.)

100 posts might not mean much to some of the more experienced writers and bloggers who read and follow my blog, but to me, it means everything. It also makes me a little sad that I’ve only just reached a hundred. But then again, measure quality, and not quantity. 

It’s peculiar how things end up returning to where they were initiated. (Conservative force comes to mind).

I started this blog as an outlet for the sadness I felt then; it slowly has returned to being the same for the sadness I house still. 

With the random bits of writing I would never dare to show to anyone (yet is still seen by my ENGLISH LITERATURE STUDYING BOYFRIEND). 

Moving on.

I haven’t posted on this darling in a while, and for that I am deeply sorry. Writing again after ages truly feels like being at ease, and therefore is going to be a habit I’m excited about culminating again.

This was supposed to be an appreciation post, so here it is: 

I’m truly grateful for my blog, for all the nice people I’ve met through my blog, and the nice people I continue to meet. 

As for you, Paradoxical Sadness, you’ve been the greatest gift that 2015 brought in. 



P.S.: That moment when you realise you now refer to your blog as a tangible living thing is when you know you need sleep very badly.


and perhaps in that night

when we looked to the sky,

and were faced with a truth

our hearts couldn’t deny,

and our minds couldn’t comprehend;

perhaps then i could have

moved to persuade you,

attempted to dissuade you,

from your self righteous destruction

of what you knew and,

thought could continue to know.

but i am powerless against

the cacophony of voices,

that block out my own

meek speech, but I wish

I could do something —


if not for you, then

to make myself feel whole again.

4:09 am// 6/8/17.

Results and Things.

So, the board my school is affiliated to (CBSE), released the results of 12th standard’s boards on Sunday, i.e., the 28th of May. I spent my time being a wreck from Tuesday to Sunday. Why? Because the results were apparently going to come out on the 24th (Wednesday), and everyday, it said the results would come the next day.

There was another problem afoot, apart from the delayed dates. CBSE apparently suddenly decided to scrap their system of moderation of marks, and this created an uproar in the country. Naturally. Some parent took the case to Delhi’s High Court, and the HC ruling directed CBSE to continue with the system for this year’s marks, and to put this new policy in effect from next session. This led to reports which speculated that CBSE is going to appeal against HC’s ruling in the Supreme Court, but thankfully, this was not the case.

Now, I went to bed on Saturday pretty early, because I was pretty tired. I have no idea how that happened, but the only explanation that comes to mind is that stressing out over yet to be announced results is a lot of work. Then, I kept waking up at frequent intervals of twenty to thirty minutes right from early morning till the time the results actually got put up online. I refreshed the results page exactly twice, then promptly went back to sleep when I saw nothing.

I finally got up at ten something, and I saw the results were on. Then, I tried accessing my result after putting in all my details, but the thing was not happening. My cousin was opening it on his laptop, and the moment I saw it did happen, I snatched the laptop screaming, “I WILL SEE IT FIRST!”

Well, then I saw what I scored in Physics, Chemistry, and Biology, and started screaming.

My marks are pretty nice, actually:

English: 87
Math: 73
Physics: 95
Chemistry: 94
Biology: 95

This was more than I thought I’d get!

Yes, even for math! I left the two biggest chapters for the math paper, and I was pretty sure I’d get just above the passing scores. Taking that into account, this was pretty good. The thing I am most sad about is English, though.

Well, now, I’ve been filling up college forms, and hoping I get accepted somewhere decent. There is this one college I really want to get in, and the results for that should be up by next week. I’m kinda stressed about that.

There’s nothing all that new going on in my life, apart from the results. People now think I am very smart (95 in physics??????), and I don’t bother with correcting them. Good for me. Let people think I am smart. Haha!

I do have things to do, but I am way too lazy to. I teamed up with this American girl to write a HP fanfic, but I was so lost amongst all the stress that I didn’t write my part of the thing, and I’ve since been trying to avoid her online. I do need to do that, and I want to, as well; but inspiration is a fickle thing.

I wanted to join the British Library we have in my city, but the college I really want to go to (the one I talked about above), is in another city. And my parents aren’t the go-to-the-library-and-fangirl-about-books-and-issue-them-and-actually-read-them kind, so the membership would kind of be a waste. Again, because all the colleges I’ve applied to are in other cities, excluding just one.

I think I NEED to start writing more now, what with having the time to, so I think I will do more of that. I have seen and read more new things, so maybe I could do reviews for those. Who knows.


So, that’s it. I also beat my grandmother in a game of chess today, based on a technicality. I felt smart, but I think she said she lost to make me happy. Well.

That’s it for today, though I do hope to write more soon!

Sky. xoxo

Reincarnation. Kind of. Includes College Talk.


I’ve been away from the Blogosphere for what feels like an eternity (gosh), but I’ve had good reasons for the very same.

I had my twelfth standard board exams, I had entrance exams(still do, actually), I had college interviews, I had doctor visits, I had to binge watch TV shows, and I had to sleep like a sedated person. I was also in the middle of shifting houses, so that took up a lot of time. Believe it or not, it has been over a week, and we’re still not quite settled in.

As for education stuff, speculation suggests that the results will be out by the end of May, which is… pretty sad. I was happy when exams ended, vowing to not think about the results for even a minute. But suddenly, it’s the 6th of May? News articles suggest the board will have 12th grade results by the 24th. OF MAY. Why? As soon as they get released, college admissions will begin full fledgedly.

College is an entirely different headache.

I had an exam in another city, it consisted of writing essays (that was the entrance exam), followed by a personal interview. They weren’t quite happy with the fact that I went from being a high scorer in tenth to an average student in eleventh. I explained my health issues and stuff, but I think they weren’t okay with that or something, because my written thing went quite well. Anyway, the very evening of the exam, I got a message saying that I wasn’t selected. And it was fine, really – but it still saddened me quite a bit.

Anyway, I had another exam the very next day of returning to my city. It also involved an essay question, followed by a MCQ patterned test for my program. I finished my essay and the questions (about 60 in total) well before the allotted time. But hey, if it says I am supposed to ‘write an essay in about 300 words’, I am not going to write two full pages. I will adhere to the word limit. Also, the questions were rather easy. We had two and a half hours for the test, and I was finished about an hour before the time limit ended.

Now, the funny thing was, that the guy who was invigilator for the essay thing, was also the one who would be our interviewer. There were two kids appearing for a BA program, and so they didn’t have the written exam, just the essay. By the time they got done with their interviews, I was done with my exam. The guy came in, was surprised upon finding out that I was finished with my test (more surprised than he was when he found I finished my essay early), and told me to come for the interview, adding that this meant that I’d get free way earlier than he’d told my father who’d dropped me at the venue in the morning. Obviously, I told him it was no big deal.

Anyway, the guy was one of those very friendly, young and jovial professors, always smiling and laughing and being nice, and I found it was easy to smile and answer his questions. Funnily enough, I was not at all nervous for the interview, however I did become a bit too brutally honest at times, which I later cringed at. Anyway, he asked me a few questions, the generic why this university, why this course, where do you see yourself ten years from now, you know, run of the mill stuff.

I must say, I cheated a bit and peeped at the form he was writing on, and I saw that he had recommended me for admission. What’s more, he told me he loved my attitude and confidence, and he was very sure that I’d be very successful and go far in life (at which I was a laughingly blushing mess), and I thanked him profusely for his words, of course. But it didn’t end there. He told me to go to the office to submit the documents they had asked me to bring with me, and when they were copying my form number, they were impressed at the fact that I remembered the number. Both of them, the lady sitting in her office, and this nice professor, looked up at me in surprise. I was like “Yeah,” when they asked if I really did remember the number. Anyway, the woman asked me a few questions too, and she seemed impressed too.

But I loved the guy, really. He was so cool. I swear, if this university has professors like this teaching the subjects in my program, I’d go there in a heartbeat. Anyway, the test was shit easy too, so I suppose that helped.

But these are just two things. As a frequent visitor of my blog might know, I studied science (physics, chemistry, biology) and math in 11th and 12th, so I can do both engineering and medicine. I didn’t give the engineering entrance as it clashed with my biology board exam, and I haven’t really studied for the medical entrance, which is on Sunday. The fact that I had PCMB was also impressive to these people (and by that point I was like what kind of kids do they deal with on a daily basis to find me good).

Anyway, my biggest issue with both these colleges were that they never once looked at my thick file of certificates that I had unknowingly gathered over the years to make me look good in college interviews. Like, really. I even asked them if they would just flip through.

Anyway, I got into the second college, but apparently it’s an average college. And since I plan to study abroad for my Masters (hopefully, that is), I want to at least go to a decent enough college so as to not have too many problems on that front.

Not much is new, apart from this. I was watching some GoT related stuff on YouTube, and before I knew, I was watching fan made Loras+Renly videos, and I was struck with how much I really adored those two. Sad, sad life.

I was also reminded of how fucking gorgeous Ben Barnes fucking is. Honestly.

I also am in need of a new phone, and new earphones. I apparently broke them uthlessly. But I promise it was an accident.

Sky xoxo.

P.S.: I am studying Spanish seriously (on Duolingo).
I also emailed this person, offering to volunteer for this Non Profit Organisation. The best thing? I just need to write for them. Which I can do from home. Score? I’m yet to hear back from them, but I am excited.
I was also on the verge of joining cooking classes, but I decided to stick with Spanish. I am also looking forward to college.
I’m going a little crazy.
I hate when you’re older and you understand things better. I wish I was an idiot (literally, I mean the IQ classification thing) and didn’t get everything I heard. Fun fact, my IQ is above 140, and that is supposed to be genius or near genius. Also, I don’t know if I mentioned this, but in our farewell party, the juniors gave me the tag of the intelligent one, and I was (read: still am) not able to comprehend just why they did that. Anyway, VV scolded me for being self-deprecating in the middle of the party and was like you know that grades don’t explain one’s intelligence and that I’m one of the smartest people she knows and that I should shut up.

So, I did.

Also, what a long post script. Oops.



Siblings & The Meaning Of Family

A little perspective.

A Teen Life Style

We either have siblings or we don’t, frankly I use to think the latter was luckier than I. To not have siblings would have been a dream come true. Quiet nights full of reading and writing, no late evening yelling matches, or having someone find out a secret from another’s mouth. On days like these, after getting done with a yelling match I long for a time where I could be the only child. I’d like to believe everyone with siblings have felt the same way before. Though as much as I hate them, I don’t know where I would be with out them.

Growing up, My sisters and I would always say, “I hate you.” Now a days it is a term of endearment but back then we meant it. My mother would then throw a fit and say the same lines of, “You can’t hate each other, you’re…

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