New Year/New Things.

Happy new year to all of you. May this year bring all your wishes and dreams come true, and fill your life with eternal joy.

hnyhny

I do not have a huge new year’s resolution. I just want to give my best to everyone and everything. However, my focus is currently on studying for my finals. After that is done, college stuff. I will have time to write more then, and I look forward to buying and reading lots of books.

What are your new year resolutions?

With love, Sky xoxo.

Personality Development?

As is usually the case (at least I hope so) with my posts, the heading for today will make itself clear as you read on. The existence of the interrogative is to make it abundantly clear that I personally am clueless as to whether this was actually the case or not.

Well, this is a rather surprising post, for a number of reasons. I fear this will make me look extremely stupid, but you know, what with all of the things I do and say in real life and from things I have posted here in the past, it probably won’t come as too big a shock.

This is going to be sort of important, but not too much, because this isn’t much of a revelation, more like a bringing myself up to speed on things I actually have an opinion on. Does that make sense? I fear it doesn’t. Oh, well.

Okay, so just a couple of days ago (more like weeks), I stumbled across the complete list of tumblr genders and this kinda blew my mind for a number of reasons. Not only was I was amused by how detailed this was, I was also finding it a little difficult that people actually are okay with this. I mean, I knew that a vast majority of them considered this absolute and utter bullshit (which is how I discovered that such a thing even existed in the first place), but the rest of them must’ve been slightly okay with this for it to even be in existence. And that is where I kind of look like an asshole.

I know how I have talked about how I know what kind of person I want to be and what kind of person I currently am, and that is not untrue. But when I stumble across things like these, I cannot help but snort derisively at what people come up with. I know I can probably try and make myself feel better by simply falling back on the one solid foolproof belief I have that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I know that is not the kind of person I want to be, you know? I want to be accepting and kind and extremely fucking supportive for whoever desires my support, but I lack there and it makes me feel bad.

I think a big part of why I find this kind of stupid, is because the only concept of gender I have ever known is the sex you were born with. That has been one of the main (read: only) criteria for judging gender since practically forever, and that is why it has mostly never struck me that you can feel a different gender than the one slapped upon you at the time of your birth because of the kind of reproductive system you possessed upon commencement into human life, but can you really blame me? I have been brought up that way, as have countless others. The slight open-mindedness I do possess today has been a direct consequence of my (I like to think) extensive reading, as well as my boyfriend, who constantly challenges my opinions and beliefs and forces me to think things I probably would never really think about.

I should stop typing this and finish typing up my chemistry project, the only real reason I actually am using my laptop this far into the school year with preboards so close but

If asked my honest opinion, I would say that I respect what people themselves believe in, and I promise you that it would not be a lie. However, I do still believe that characterization of one’s gender by what gonads are seen on them as they come out of the womb is a more effective classification, because the thought process (I’m guessing there is some thinking involved) that goes into deciding what gender you identify yourself with, and I would like to think that infants and toddlers are not capable of that… not yet, at least.

And maybe I am rather rude in what I stand by, but I do believe that the first and foremost duty of one’s sex is to procreate. What you do after that is, frankly, your business.

So, I am sorry if I offended anybody. Trust me when I say that that wasn’t my intention.

That’s it for this post, I suppose.

Ciao,
Sky xoxo.

 

 

 

Rant-y Post.

Yes, while I know that I have been away for simply too long to be deemed acceptable, I am going to get back into writing by posting a general rant about people and the annoying (or not so annoying? Maybe I am biased…) things they do.

Alright, maybe I should explain myself. I was in an awfully rare snippy mood today. I mean, I know I am short-tempered and extremely irritable generally, but I usually don’t let it show very, very much. I was a bit too much on edge today, retorting with biting remarks, muttering under my breath, and trying to not get up and punch the person in the fucking throat. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I had a splitting headache, and my hand felt ready to fall off any second.

Okay, so at recess, this girl who ALWAYS picks a fight with me even though I make an effort to not get in her way or anything, probably because I’m used to her and her stupid ways and I know straying across her is going to ruin my day more than it’ll hurt hers, provoked me again. I would go into an in-depth analysis of her character, but the truth is that she hates me for no discernible reason. That is literally it. No reason for her to hate me, yet she does. It was quite stupid, really; basically had her commenting loudly on how my food had been untouched and that the break was going to be over, and some out-of-place giggles to torment me for no reason! I should probably add that she’s the biggest two-faced person ever. She’s all friendly when she needs to ask me for my notes or if she’s stuck in a physics practical or something, but at other times, woah. She even picks fights with me and provokes me in front of our biology teacher! And it’s not like I am imagining this, no; other classmates agree that she goes out of her way to do this. So yeah, she got on my nerves.

I try so hard to be what I believe in, you know? I actively advocate forgiving and forgetting, I try not calling people out on shit they say, because I recognize that however flawed their opinion may be, but it still is their opinion, you know? Who knows, maybe they think  this way because they don’t know any better. And it isn’t right to disregard people’s opinions just because you disagree with them. Yes, sometimes theirs might not be the most morally correct of opinions, but sometimes you need to overlook things because it just isn’t worth it. I try to be kind, and I actively make an effort to be less angry and more nice. I generally help everybody, which is why a friend (who’s not that close anymore as she was to me maybe two years ago) still counts on me to write things for her projects. She’s not even in my stream…

It just really sucks that I have to put up with this unwanted shit even though I try so hard to not do things which might make me deserve it, but, well.

The second part of this post is devoted to something which isn’t even very important, but I have strong feelings for it, so.

A teacher I know joked about how our school is extremely strict when it comes to board exams and invigilating them, after remarking how good theirs is for the leniency they show to students. They actually let students cheat, in a fucking board exam! He was laughing about it, but I think he was semi serious. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t approve of cheating, and I don’t partake in it. I am guilty of telling some pestering classmates a few one word answers, but I have never copied off of someone, be it in a simple class test, or an exam.

I feel that cheating is not very nice, and that it shouldn’t be encouraged at all. Exams exist to test your existing knowledge in the subject, not to torment you. People who fail or get lesser marks must simply work harder to gain more proficiency in the subject. I know education isn’t a privilege, but to get taught in good schools by highly qualified teachers is nothing short of an excellent opportunity that everyone must make good of. Taking the whole thing for granted gets you nowhere.

While everyone was laughing in class, I cracked a reluctant smile. I did not wish to say anything on the matter, because I might’ve misinterpreted him and his sentiments. I am sorry if I sound too high and mighty or whatever (yes, I’ve been called this by a lot of people when I told them I would not help them in the test), but this just how I feel. This isn’t to offend anyone, just in case somebody does get offended!

Much love,
Sky xoxo.

P.S.: First term exams done. Wow, I am lucky I passed everything.

 

Orderliness!

When programs or applications ask me for things, they usually ask me to respond by selecting one of the following replies: Yes/Sure/Allow It or No/Never Ask Me Again. I mean, I really wanted Chrome to be my default browser, but whenever I select Chrome to be it instead of Microsoft Edge, the Action Center tells me that there was a problem and my default browser has been reset to Microsoft Edge.

Nevertheless, selecting ‘Never Ask Me Again’ feels a lot like chastising a little kid for asking too many questions again. Similar to the way a little frown and big, teary eyes on the face of a kid less than half your size makes you feel after you were the one who blew up on them, this made me feel really bad the first time this happened, which was when I finally got over my fear of losing all my files and downloaded Windows 10. That was when I tinkered around with the settings. Now, I tried to switch to Microsoft Edge, and got ready for it, too – I imported my stuff into Edge from Chrome! However, when I went to open Inbox (which I prefer to Gmail), it said that my browser does not yet support Inbox. The tragedy! I adore Inbox, and would rather use a non default browser all the time than be stuck with Gmail.

I tried changing the defaults again. An error showed up, again. Then, when I restarted Chrome after this mess, it asked me to make it my default browser (poor thing). When I had to select ‘Never Ask Me Again’, I felt so bad.

I know many of those who read this will be questioning my sanity. Don’t worry, I am as well.

I am very strict about things and their neatness. At school, when the teachers teach something, how do you usually pay attention? Some might take notes, and look at the white/blackboard. I usually look at the teacher and take notes on the side of the textbook paragraphs, because most of the things they say are given in the textbook, and they don’t teach extra because the board exams stick strictly to the textbook. We do have to do derivations in physics in the notebooks, because they aren’t given so well in the textbook.

Anyway, sometimes, the outline of the diagrams and the colours in them aren’t printed so well… and it looks untidy. For five minutes, I was getting irked by a diagram, when I finally gave up and turned the page to distract myself. It was getting on my nerves!

Another example is when I do my practical files. I think I have erased out things on the blank page as many as five times SIMPLY because they weren’t in the centre of the page. Just some mild crazily insane things I do. 🙂

I saw the movie ‘Rustom’ yesterday. It stars Akshay Kumar, Ileana D’Cruz, Esha Gupta, and some other people whose names I do not remember. I found it to be a good movie, and I was thinking I might post a review. I don’t know. I also got my datesheet for the first term exams, and it is one fucking nightmare.

More details later. I need to go, study now.

Much love,
Sky xoxo.

P.S.: My dog likes (loves?) laddoos.

Greasiness and Moodiness.

Do you know how you mean to wash your hair, but you keep procrastinating it, whilst feeling the greasiness all over your hands as you make your hair each day? How you don’t intentionally delay the process at the end of which your hair will feel like new again, you’re just too lazy to actually get down to doing it?

Now that I have finally done so, I can’t help but run my hands through my silky soft hair. This is not as normal or non-terrible as it may seem, for very many reasons. Number one. I was and am supposed to be studying right now, but the itch that possesses my hand every now and then has reared its beautifully ugly head, and me, with my almost nonexistent self-control and will power have found myself in front of the laptop again.

That in itself is not that bad a thing; rather, it gives me an opportunity to stretch my fingers. Perhaps what makes it all the worse is how I am not studying for the approaching exams. Days are passing me by in a blur. Why, it felt like only yesterday that the school year started. All of a sudden, I have been thrust into a world where you’re expected to be smart and responsible and a future seer, all at once.

I am looking up colleges, studying for tests, studying from an exam point of view, and juggling between health issues, nearly all the time. I am exhausted, and of course, have the omnipresent moodiness to show for it.

I do not know when this will end, to be honest with you. On some level, I don’t think I want it to end; for it ending will mean the end of life as a schoolgirl, and being a college girl does not sound nearly as much fun. Add in the fact how I am not sure what course I should study, and you’ve got an explosive mix on your hands which goes by my name. (That’s not all the reasons. Add in math being a bully.)

Some good news includes how I finally tackled my fear of the second chapter in my math textbook; Inverse Trigonometric Functions. I sat down and did the examples, followed by the Miscellaneous Exercise (which is at the end of every chapter and is basically a set of questions which are there basically to check your understanding of the chapter. They also contain questions which are usually more difficult and a level higher than all the other exercises of the chapter.)

I will unfortunately have to stop here, for biology is calling my name. I need to study Translation, the Human Genome Project, and DNA Fingerprinting, the last few topics in the sixth chapter in the textbook, i.e. Moleculecular Basis of Inheritance. After studying this, I think I might read the next chapter, i.e. Evolution. After that, I have to study math. That’s a fair bit of work, I suppose.

I think I will try to post short posts every day. Not to spam, lol. Rather, because the whole process is quite therapeutic. I suppose writing was always soothing for me, but something about letting go of daily frustrations without actually giving yourself away is strangely beautiful.

Song for today is Staying Up by The Neighbourhood.

Much love,
Sky xoxo.

 

 

Suddenly.

Personally, I haven’t paid much thought to what happens after we die. While it is sad to think we will fade away into nothingness – what a waste of the person you were. All your hopes, your dreams, achievements… nothing will ensure the continuity of what you embodied as one of the living.

My god, that does suck, doesn’t it?

Now, the pleasanter alternative: be religious and believe in a higher power, commonly called God (or millions of Gods, if you’re Hindu). You’ll get a one way ticket to either a luxurious stay in Heaven if you’ve been nice, or a less than ideal one in Hell if you’ve been naughty. The joy. Some divine all knowing power, passing judgement on your deeds.

Anyway, I didn’t mean to get into religion. 

The thing is, despite knowing that the circle of life does not make exceptions for anybody, despite knowing Valar Morghulis (somebody please stop me when my GoT references become annoying), it’s still such a shock when somebody passes away. Even more so, when it’s somebody you know.

Life in itself is so sudden and shocking, it presents you with surprises and jolts along the way. The only difference is in how you perceive it, and well, the frequency in which said shocks are being administered to you.

Last Friday, while I was going to Chemistry class, I witnessed an accident. A girl took a sharp right turn while she was driving at quite a high speed, and her scooter skidded. She fell, and her head directly hit the road, and then her vehicle fell on top of her. She wasn’t wearing a helmet. 

People were already crowding, trying to help. They picked up her scooter, and tried to help her up, but she was trembling violently, and seemed to be in between consciousness. Mom dropped me off, and then went home. Mom later told me that she probably sustained a really bad head injury, because she was foaming at the mouth, and was unconscious.

An ambulance was called shortly afterwards, so I suppose that was okay. 

But imagine being on the way to your home, or maybe class, and then being injured so badly you don’t even know what’s happening or where you are (or for that matter, not knowing anything because you’re unconscious).

Everything is so sudden.

My grandfather was well and good, when one day he fell in the bathroom and sustained a major head injury. Subdural hemorrhage, I think it was. I don’t know. Nobody told me the details, but I gathered as much. Soon after, he passed away. He was unconscious in the hospital for maybe ten days before it happened. 

It still strikes me, the suddenness of it all. Just the next month, he was going to visit us, him and my grandmother. He was quite healthy for a man of his age. I’m just sad I never got to tell him how amazing he was and how much I appreciated him teaching me chess – and that I wished I’d paid more attention, because my chess skills are still pretty basic. 

This wasn’t supposed to be a sad post, but I’m sad now, goddammit. 

I loved him, and he was great. I hope he knew that, even though it probably doesn’t matter now. Why, what does the affection of your grandchild mean when you’re ashes in the ground? 

I think the point of the post was to motivate myself to live a complete life. So that even if I get five minutes of consciousness before I die, I don’t want to spend them regretting not doing something. Cats may have nine lives, and Hinduism might boast of seven lives, and other faiths may talk of reincarnation too, but from where I stand, it is all quite skeptical. I don’t want to leave it to chance. (For one, how do I know I’m not going to hell?)

I’m going to end this post by advising all of you to drive safely and wear helmets while driving. 🙂

Love,

Sky xoxo.

 

Red.

 

red
From weheartit. On looking it up, Google said this is a picture of pernicious anemia blood cells; but I think this is a picture of some jellyfish with a red filter.

 

The red colour of your sheets, when you are expecting a lover.

The dark red of the wine, you pour for him in a long fluted crystal.

The vibrant, bright red which caresses your lips with its glossy texture.

The dark, unforgiving red that courses through your veins, and stains your hands.

Another lifetime in red, to have loved and lost.

xxxx

Something I wrote a while ago.

Love,
Sky xoxo.