That’s what this post is, a pit stop. The refreshments availed in this case is some mental offloading. Okay, I guess there isn’t really much to this post.
I have been coughing a lot tonight. It’s because I have a cough that’s leftover from when I contracted covid in January earlier this year. It’s dreadful – it starts acting up randomly and won’t leave for hours. There’s really no solution, and no reason as to why it should persist the way it does, but then I suppose that’s true for practically all of the symptoms associated with long covid. Knowing that doesn’t make the experience any less disgusting, though. That’s what I dislike.
My master’s project is in equal parts invigorating and challenging, but these days it’s more frustrating than anything else. Work seems to be slow, and I’ve lost some of my work ethic somehow. It’s strange and unwelcome, but it is mostly saddening if I’m being completely honest.
Another thing I’ve experienced myself struggling with is how I don’t feel very seen sometimes. I don’t know how to describe it because it has never been an issue before I started my master’s. I guess it stems from the fact that I’m a part of a friend group that doesn’t really like me that much and hence, doesn’t value me that much. It’s fine, I’ve made my peace with it. What’s sad is that I’m going to feel the reality of that long after I graduate.
I’m equal parts excited and scared of what’s going to come and how I’m going to do when it happens. I’m excited because I have an amazing thing to look forward to. I’m scared because it’s going to be a completely different experience and I’ll have no safety net to fall back on.
I’m also scared of what the future holds in a different context. A lot of my classmates from my school and undergrad are getting married, and I guess that’s forcing me to think about what adult life is going to look like. I know that my boyfriend right now is what I think my soulmate would be, if those really do exist. I don’t know how to ensure that this knowledge isn’t wasted on me, or us, along the way of us trying to figure our lives out.
Well, I guess that’s enough offloading for a while. I need some sleep, although I’m unsure of how much I’ll get seeing how hot it currently is. The ceiling fans and the open window is doing nothing for me. Meanwhile, my roommate is already sleeping like a log.
Love, Sky x
Paradoxical Sadness. 