How difficult is it to do
How difficult to feel, too
Perhaps to breathe, and see
She was always here, next to
Me.
She’s beautiful, and dark.
The difference is not stark.
I’d kill to go with her, it is
Difficult; to not give in to her
Demands. She offers something
I did not have, nor could ever
Have.
Death is a charismatic woman,
And I find it difficult to resist
Her charms.
-×-
I occasionally dabble in nonsensical poetry.
If anyone here is familiar with Hindu rituals, they’ll know that there are a lot of them. No exaggeration here, mind you. Lots and lots of them. Today is no different.
Today, one of my maternal uncles had a puja for his new home. Mom and I got there pretty late, when it was almost at an end, but I still got to watch a lot of it. And, once again, I was one of the only ones in something untraditional (a black lacy dress).
Festivities aside, the relatives. Lots and lots and lots! People I didn’t know existed, all coming in by the bucket load. My family just needs a chance to gather! Mom introducing me to people left and right, and I’m like, “Hi, hello, how do you do?” Ugh, I’m so tired. I’m just about ready to go home and wear my pajamas and sleep!
Need I mention my phone’s about to die? No? Well, it is about to die! I have no idea what I’ll do if it does. My cousins (first and second and god forbid third) are busy running around, playing god knows what. I would join in, but I’m not allowed physical exertion. And the reason as to why, makes for another blog post.
Anyways, had I worn something traditional, I would become the picture of an ideal Indian hindu girl. Haha! I have the orangy-red thread running around my wrist, and the mandatory orange teeka on my forehead.
I think that’s enough ranting on my part. I think I’ll take a leave! (Hahahahahaha basically means I’ll write another post in another twenty minutes.)
Ciao, XOXO.
P.S.: For those who didn’t get a word of what I said, don’t worry. I am Indian, and a Hindu by religion. We have complicated traditions.
If I ever sat down, like really really sat down with the utmost concentration, and made a list of my favorite songs, I’m extremely sure that the song ‘Wonderwall’ by Oasis will find itself on there.
If somebody asked me why I loved this song so much, I wouldn’t have an answer. Do you need to have a reason to like something? Obviously, I’d like to point out the fact there are a lot of people who do not form an opinion of something without some concrete evidence on their part, but to be very frank with you, I’ve never been that sort of person.
If we go by the song, I have no person to call my ‘Wonderwall’. I adore many people, and some are very close to my heart, but I don’t think there’s even one person whom I could call my Wonderwall. There might’ve been a time where I might’ve appointed my ex boyfriend with that honor, but we quickly reached that point where I could not bear to hold a simple conversation with him. Obviously, he was out of the running soon enough.
If not in the present, perhaps in the future. Maybe, I’ll meet someone who will “be the one to save me”. But, from who? From myself? It’s not the monsters of the world that we need to fear; our demons do that job well enough. And, I fear, I am the only one who can battle my demons. We can surely get help, but never will our fears be completely conquered by another.
Nevertheless, I find the idea to be quite intriguing. Just something to think about.
On this note, I sign off.
XOXO
My exams got over in March. Since they were the board exams, my school does not reopen till the results arrive. Which, coincidentally, could be any day now. I don’t know if I’m scared. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not.
It’s kinda scary; not knowing how you feel. Lately, this has been the norm. I’ve suddenly got this attitude, where I’m stuck between caring and not caring. I don’t know if I give a fuck, or if I don’t. It’s very weird.
I won’t kid, it’s scaring me. I nearly had a breakdown yesterday. Keyword: nearly. My best friend, (my life) made me realize that I’m a positive person and this is just a phase. I believed her. I trust her with my life.
But, with no school and a scary mind, one gets very bored. I don’t know what to do. I can’t bring myself to study. I can’t hang out with a lot of people, because they all have shit to do or are too busy. Sometimes, I’m too busy. Busy being sick. I’m sick. Like, ill. I can’t go out a great deal.
I’m bored. I can’t bring myself to do what I used to.
I want something to do, maybe this blog will be the answer to that? I don’t know. I can only hope.
There are a lot of ways to start blogging, but I suppose being clueless about the whole affair is not one of them.
I suppose I should begin with the customary introduction. But that’s too mainstream, isn’t it? Too predictable. So, we’ll skip that. Simply because I suck at introductions.
This will be my vent, my workplace, my go-to place when I’m bored out of my mind. You’ve been warned. With that out of the way, I’d like to move on to bigger things.
Just kidding.
My posts can range from super ordinary to super weird. I’d apologize, but I’ve figured there’s nothing wrong with what I want to do. So there.
With this super shitty and super duper short post, I sign off.
XOXO.
Paradoxical Sadness. 