For those of you who are gonna go by the title and assume that I’m calling myself dumb (fun fact: Had I been you, I would have deduced the same thing so no worries), hold your horses! While I do think my intelligence and smarts to be average, I don’t think I’m dumb. So, moving on.
I saw the most loathsome movie today. I don’t know how people can make such movies and then be able to sleep at night. Honestly, if I made a movie like that, I’d either go to another country under a fake name, or commit suicide. On a more serious note, the movie made me want to rip the TV out from where it hung on the wall, and smash it on the ground.
It wasn’t even that the movie had obscene themes, or anything. I’m sure it was a movie made in lighthearted humour, but oh god. I couldn’t even stay for the ending. I’m sure you’re all very curious about what movie I’m on about. Believe me, even the name makes you want to pull out your hair.
Ready? Think you can handle it? Okay then…
Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd.
See? The name is so annoying, and as the red line appears under the obviously misspelt comparative degree of the adjective, I’m forced to cry silently at this blatant insult of grammar.
I am going to point out the complete and utter idiocy in some scenes of the movie, so if you think you might want to watch this movie sometime in your life, I’d suggest to turn back now. My review is going to be bashful, and extremely unkind.
Harry, a boy who has been homeschooled by his life, comes to highschool accompanied by his friend Lloyd. Lloyd is much like Harry, however he thinks that Turk (I think that was his name), who is a bully, is in the cool gang. And the fact that Turk is picking on him, is only evidence that Lloyd is one of them cool people.
Jessica, a reporter for the school newspaper, is our female lead. She’s shown in this scene as talking to two guys, and wearing a skin hugging top and a miniskirt. Can anyone guess what the two say to this?
Lloyd, she isn’t wearing any underwear! I know Harry, and I’m wearing two pairs! Lloyd, same here! *weird guy giggling*
Oh my god. What idiocy. Ugh.
Jessica comes up to Harry, and asks him if he was the new guy. When he says yes, she calls him by name and says something about him being homeschooled. At which Harry asks how she knew this. She tells him that nothing happens much around here, and that it was either this or doing a piece on a pen having four different inks. “Four different inks?! IMPOSSIBLE!” No guesses who.
All this while, Lloyd was being sent rolling down a slope with half his torso in a trashcan by Turk and his gang. So much for being one of the guys.
The lunch lady and the principal are having an affair. They have been embezzling money from the school since forever. They have recently been sent a circular which states that some five grand will be awarded by the government to every school with a special needs class. So, they set up a fake special needs class taught by the Lunch Lady.
Meanwhile, Jessica smells a fish. She invites Harry to her place to work on this matter, after she finds out Lloyd and him recruited students for this class, telling him she knew it was a delicate subject to talk about, which is why they must do it at her place, where they’ll be safe from the prying eyes of the lunch lady.
He mistook it for talking about her delicates, declaring it a date. He carries home a chocolate bar, thinking of it as a gift. However, it melts when he sits on the heater on her room, thinking that she’s making him hot. As if. He excuses himself to the bathroom, and ends up smearing chocolate over the walls, the mirror, his clothes, and all the towels. Even the ones in the cabinet.
Disgusting little tidbit: He mistook it for shit.
He runs into the first bedroom he sees, and wears a suit that was hung up. Funnily enough, it’s a women’s suit, as Jessica’s mum is quick to remark at the dinner table.
Lloyd has also appeared at the front door, where Jessica kisses him on the lips in a spur of excitement upon learning that he has the keys to the principal’s office. His dad is the janitor at his school. Don’t worry, she looks disgusted after she learns of what she’s done. Harry, distraught upon seeing this, runs home.
Meanwhile, Jessica’s dad has made it to the bathroom upstairs, only to find the place in a state of utter chaos. What he does next will blow your minds out.
He starts shouting, “He shit all over the walls! There’s shit in my house! He shit all over the walls!”
He goes at the screaming for a good while.
Lloyd meets Jessica at school the same night, thinking she wants to do ‘it’ with him in the principal’s office. As if.
Being unable to find what she had been looking for, she leaves Lloyd to clean up after them as she goes off with her boyfriend. He sees a treasure chest, and takes it with him, referring it to Harry’s treasure. Leaving that. Tell me, who picks up their girlfriends/boyfriends at night from school? And I’m pretty sure he didn’t ask her what she was doing there, either.
Sometime after this, Lloyd and Harry have made up, and took slushees from this store by the petrol pump. They see the principal with Jessica, and Lloyd assumes him to be her boyfriend. Can I just fucking die already? In an attempt to be inconspicuous, they hide behind the petrol thingies, and grab a hold of the stuff which pours petrol into cars, and are washing a car with it, raining petrol everywhere.
WOW. JUST EFFING WOW. LIKE, WHAT?!
The shopkeeper guy comes out for a smoke, and as he lights his cigarette, boom. No, legit boom. The petrol pump goes up in fire and smoke. And the guy?
He gets thrown hundreds of feet away, in front of the troublesome duo. Ugh, I was so annoyed at this. Not even major burns.
They come to the place where the principal has taken Jessica, and when she asks them to listen carefully, they are thinking about her perfect teeth and lots of hair.
… I can’t talk more about this. I’m in a state of angry shock. These were some of the more idiotic bits of the movie. For a more objective and unbiased plot of the movie, go here.
If it were up to me, the movie would get -5 as the star rating.
So, what about you guys? Fancy giving it a watch after reading this? Or, if you’ve already seen it, what are your thoughts?
P.S.: In one scene, Harry tells Jessica her milk carriers look very nice in the shirt she’s wearing.